“When my parents were getting a divorce it was so weird at home. Mum and Dad were acting like aliens. At night I could hear them rowing but in the day they hardly talked to each other. I was really worried about what was going to happen and so I spoke to my teacher about it. She made me feel better and told me it wasn’t my fault and Mum and Dad still loved me.

Now they’re divorced and I’m getting used to living with Mum and seeing Dad at the weekends. I’ve got my own room in his new flat. I helped to decorate it and put up some of my favourite posters from my room at home.

Abi, 10

Are things weird for you at home? Are your parents talking about splitting up, or have they already split? Are you confused by what it all means and how it will affect you? We’ve got some ideas that should answer a few questions that might be buzzing round your head.

Mum and Dad are splitting up – does that mean they’ll get divorced?

When people get married they think they’ll be together forever. Sometimes they decide that they should split up. They might stop living together to see how they feel living apart. This is called a separation.

Just because people are rowing doesn’t mean they will get divorced. A divorce is when people end their marriage. But if they do it doesn't mean that everything will change but there will be some changes in how and where you all live. Try not to be scared. It’s not your fault.

A divorce will mean some changes in your life but things are always changing - some are big changes (like changing schools) and some are little changes (like changing your stinky socks everyday!) Once the change has happened and you’ve had time to get used to it, change doesn’t seem nearly as scary.

This happens to a lot of families and you are not alone. Other children have got through it and so will you.

Click here to find out about other children’s experiences.
http://www.itsnotyourfault.org/Viewsfrom_children.html

If you want to find out more try this website http://www.itsnotyourfault.org/

I’m worried I’ll have to choose between parents.

If your parents are separated or getting divorced, you must remember that you do not have to take sides. Your Mum and Dad want you to be happy. You will still see both parents. You do not have to choose.

Your parents will decide which house will be your main home, and when you will see the parent you won’t live with. Try to tell them what you want. You might not get all you want but it is important that they know.

If they can't decide what to do, they may let a judge at court help them choose what is best for the family. You may be asked some questions. There's no need to be afraid. Just try and say how you’re feeling.

ChildLine is a free 24 hour helpline for children. If you want to talk to someone, call 0800 111. The people on the other end of the phone want to help you. If it’s busy keep trying.

Is there something I could have done to stop this?

It's not your fault! Got that! Repeat after me – ‘none of this is my fault’.

Nothing you have done has made your parents split up. If you have a brother or sister, try asking them how they feel.

Try to remember that Mum and Dad still love and care about you. They are having problems with each other, not you. They’re just unhappy with each other at the moment.

If you want to find out more try this website http://www.itsnotyourfault.org/

Who can I talk to?

Things at home are probably weird right now but it won’t always be like this. Talking things over can help you feel better.

If you can’t tell your mum and dad, talk to an adult you trust – can you think of anyone? Your grandparents, aunties, uncles, a teacher or the parent of one of your friends.

If anything scary has happened at home don’t be afraid to tell someone. Maybe you think you heard one parent hurt the other. Or maybe you feel really cross about it all. Remember, it’s not your fault. You can call this number (0800 111) to talk about it. ChildLine is a free 24 hour helpline for children. The people on the other end of the phone want to help you. If it’s busy keep trying.

Things that might make you feel better

• Draw a face that shows how you feel or look through a magazine and rip out pictures that show what you’re worried about.
• Talk it over with someone you trust. Once you’ve got the first words out – you’ll feel better.
• Think of something you could do to cheer yourself up – maybe spend time with a friend or watch a funny film.
• You might not feel like playing but give it a go. It might cheer you up for a while. 

If you like writing stories, write one about what’s been happening. Or you might like to try writing a diary.